Thursday, December 5, 2013

Do you Suffer from this "Disease" too?


SO MANY people I encounter these days suffer from the same "disease" that is impacting our families, our work performance, our emotional health.  So what is it?  Arguments could be made that the same impact can be felt from depression or anxiety but I'm talking about something more insidious.  Something we actually convince ourselves can be a POSITIVE thing.  So what am I talking about?
 
People Pleasing 
 
It's a constant struggle for me. At home, with family, at work, at church. Everywhere. I've posted a lot about my Spinning Plates.  It is occurring to me lately that many of those plates are present because of this disease of people pleasing.  If I say "no" to a request, will I hurt her feelings?  Will he think I'm not committed enough?  Will my kids think I'm a horrible mom when they think back on this day?  Will the school think I'm an absentee working parent?  All those questions remind me of the poem Elaine recently recited in a school play . . .
 
(c) Shel Silverstein
 
While these "What Ifs" seem pretty silly, those what ifs swirling in my head seem SO RELEVENT y'all.  The list of "What Ifs" goes on and on and on and on . . . .  but the gist of every question is the same - will that person be displeased by the answer I really want to give?  More importantly will that person be displeased by the answer I NEED to give to protect my time, my family, my sanity?
 
It all comes down to PEOPLE PLEASING.  But who should I be aiming to please? Not me. Not other humans. We're fallible. We're broken. I need to please Jesus, only Jesus. What does He ask of me? Just to sit at his feet. Some people get it apparently but most of us don't. What would that feel like, to just sit at the feet of God? He wants to fill me up (see?). He wants good things for me (definitely). Why do I think I have to do, dO, DO and please others to be enough? To be loveable? To be worthy? Is it because I can't fully understand that I truly don't have to earn His forgiveness, His grace? It's ok to not understand fully but I have to trust that it is enough. Am I willing and ready to experience something amazing I can't fully understand?  Will I let my fears, my sense of inadequacy prevent Him from filling me up just because I don't "get it" completely?
 
What am I already missing because of this reluctance? As much as I love writing, I'm already limiting myself. I have slowed down in how often I write and in how often I post on this blog.  I sat on the TKP education post for more than 2 weeks. Why? Because I doubt others want to read it, need to read it. Maybe it's repetitive. Maybe someone else can or has said it better. But if God has called me to write it, even if only for myself, isn't that enough? I don't know why He gave me those words but I don't have to fully understand why He did. I just need to rest in His love and acceptance.  Will you set aside your own people pleasing and join me?

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Education: Here vs. There vs. TKP Difference


If you have checked out the website for The Kilgoris Project, or even if you have just seen our cool new t-shirts, you have seen our tag line of "Education. Health. Opportunity." The education piece seems fairly straight forward, given that TKP operates 6 preschool and primary schools. But getting on the ground in Kilgoris gave me such a deeper appreciation of why TKP's work is truly revolutionizing the delivery of education in this community. I can go on and on and on . . . come on, that's no surprise, right? But for now I'm going to focus on three ways education is SO different in Kilgoris vs. your own community.  Just a few of the things that blew my mind . . .

 

<check out my friend in one of TKP's awesome new tees! Contact me to order one.>

 TRANSPORTATION

Here:  When most American preschoolers and elementary students need to get to school each morning, they have choices. They might take a bus, typically provided for free by public school districts. They might hop in a car, whether driven by a parent, carpooling neighbor or nanny. A few may walk or bike to school (or even take a subway in big cities), if they live very close to the school and a parent or older sibling is available to walk with the child. 
 
 There: Children walk to school in rural Kenya, almost exclusively.  Not because they live close to their school.  In fact, many don't live close. They may walk 2, 3 or even 5 or more kilometers EACH WAY to and from school.  In one of our communities, the nearest non-TKP school is more than 7km away. That 5k you trained almost two months to walk or run? Yeah, they do that TWICE A DAY. Sometimes barefoot. Dude! Oh and parents can't spare the time to walk that far x 4 (round trip in morning and afternoon for drop off and pickup) so the kids walk that far unsupervised.
 
So what if the child is too young to make it that far? Then they sit out of school for that year and every year until they ~can~ make the walk. That means some kids are starting preschool (which is mandatory to keep up in primary school) at age 5 or 6 or later, instead of the recommended age 3. Starting school late greatly increases the chances that a student will drop out, which is just as devastating to prospects in Kenya as in the US.
 
TKP difference: TKP typically builds schools in communities that are unfairly written off or ignored by the government schools. Maybe the community density doesn't warrant building the typical over-crowded gov't school (more on that below). Maybe the community has struggles with tribal or community conflicts. Maybe the area is just off the gov't radar. But every child deserves the opportunity to get educated and succeed. By building schools in these unserved/underserved areas, we reduce the distance these kids have to travel to school.  That means they are physically capable of getting to school so they can start at age 3, putting them on track to finish primary school and hopefully high school on time. It certainly reduces the societal pressure to drop out at least.

 CLASS SIZE

Here: American parents bemoan increasing size sizes, as early elementary grades swell to 25 or 30 kids to one teacher. Most preschools run more like 10-15 kids per teacher. Heavens knows I wouldn't deal with that many kids for what we pay teachers!
 
There: government run schools are over-crowded. So over crowded as to redefine that term. Think I'm exaggerating? Picture one small preschool classroom. Pictures one teacher. Now picture 78 3-4 year olds. SEVENTY EIGHT.  Some desks sitting up to four little bottoms. When we asked this teacher how she copes, all she could say is "you just have to double your efforts in everything." Can you even fathom?!?!  Cause y'all, I don't like sitting in a movie theater with 78 kids, much less trying to teach that many kids their ABCs. Yet these preschool teachers aren't just teaching the ABCs but also teaching early math skills and most importantly a second language (Swahili, as the students come to school speaking one of numerous tribal languages, most of which the teacher doesn't even speak!). 
 
TKP difference:  Against all tradition and expectation in this community, TKP limits class size to approx 35 kids per teacher. Even my less than exceptional math skills tell me that any teacher can accomplish more with a class less than half the typical size. There is more room to work, more teacher time per student, more teacher energy per lesson.

 TEACHING STYLE

Here: our classrooms are bright and aggressively cheerful. Our preschoolers sit at tables, learning beside and from their classmates. Our teachers use all manner of toys and manipulatives to teach everything from basics like ABCs to critical thinking skills, like pattern recognition and classification.  
 
There: kids sit many to a single desk, a desk they are required to build or buy and bring to the school themselves. Lessons are all rote memorization and recitation. Walls are bare or have a few hand-drawn "posters" made out of maize sacks. Manipulatives are unheard of and teachers are stretched too thin to even consider teaching critical thinking. The most critical tool the teachers have is a single chalk board and a box of chalk. 
 
TKP difference: classroom walls are covered in bright educational posters, bought in the US and in bigger cities in Kenya.  Preschoolers sit around perfectly proportioned tables where they can work together. Each room has a closet of supplies, like manipulatives and games, that teachers can use to demonstrate new skills and students can use to practice/master those skills. There are also three chalkboards, one right at little kid height, available to practice those skills.

CONCLUSION

There are amazing teachers all over the world, including in Kenya. But when schools are far away with no transportation but bare feet; when class rooms are bursting at the seams with little bodies; when teachers are hamstringed by inadequate facilities and materials . . . There is only so far a great teacher can take his or her students. TKP brings schools closer to the kids, makes class size reasonable and stocks class rooms with great materials.  Seeing these differences in person just drove home the importance each of these factors serve in changing the face of education in Kenya.

On this Giving Tuesday, 2013, I would be honored if you would consider a year-end donation to The Kilgoris Project. Donations can be made HERE.
 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

What About Those Spinning Plates?

Well I'm back. I've been pretty quiet on here as I processed all I saw, all I did, all whom I met. MIND. BLOWN. For the last 20 years or more, my life has revolved around words, whether reading them, writing them or speaking them. But after less than a week in Kenya, I was just out of words. Y'all, me out of words?!?! That never happens. Until Kenya. Kenya did that to me.
 
So I wrote a lot about my Spinning Plates before I left (here and here). I was really worried about how I would handle stepping away from my "have to"s to just "be" in Kenya. Well let me sum it up for you - it was awesome! Ok, so enough about that. . . .  Kidding! Letting go of my watch, my schedule, my to do list created a freedom I had never experienced as an adult.

(1) I was free to be in the moment. I could sit and talk with new friends without worrying about when I needed to be the next place or the next thing I needed to do. That freedom cleared my mind so I could go deeper in those interactions. I heard not just the words but the feelings. I was present to ask the follow up questions and dig deeper in those conversations. How often have I missed those deeper conversations with friends and acquaintances here in the US because I was rushing off to do something else?
 

Our Wonderful Team!
 
(2) I was free to enjoy surprises. I'll be honest - here at home, surprises often are just a hassle for me. That's because I tend to leave very little margin to adjust my schedule to accommodate surprises. But in Kenya, I had nothing but time so I could just genuinely enjoy the surprises God put before me. I sat on the ground while 5 little girls put about a million braids in my "slippery" hair. I could listen to their giggles, tease them, just soak in their excitement while we played Muzungo Kinyozi (white person hair salon).
 
And there was the time spent playing with the kids after church on Sunday.  Leading up to 40 kids in round after round of Ring Around the Rosie and The Hokey Pokey allowed the kids' infectious joy to seep into my soul.  How often have I missed opportunities for similar play with my own kids because I was too busy, too distracted to stop and enjoy the surprises life offers?
 

Mid Hokey Pokey!
 
 
(3) I was free to encounter God. If asked, I can tell you that God loves me and I love Him but in how I live my daily life at home, I really rely on my own self 99% of the time. MY calendar, MY to do lists, MY capabilities. Where has that left me? I struggle with stress and anxiety and an inability to say no when I really should. As an advisor recently asked me, "how's that working out for you?" Not good, let me tell you! But in Kenya, I didn't have a calendar, let go of to do lists, and didn't feel capable and low and behold, guess who was capable? God was/is! I found time to attend chapel with the nuns at 6 in the morning (me, up early?!? Woah!), where God gave me a verse in the service that lead into a conversation on the back porch before breakfast that gave me a huge breakthrough on my life-long struggle with anxiety. Why did I have to go over 3,000 miles away to have this encounter with God? God didn't need me there to tell me this but He did need me open and willing and available to Him. Apparently to become available to Him, I needed to stop thinking I could handle it all myself. How many other times have I missed opportunities to grow as a person and rely on Him but instead I relied on myself instead?
 
I've been home right at two weeks now and it's already hard to hold onto these lessons. I'm back to spinning plates, with lots to do at work and at home and for volunteer stuff and on and on, but now that I have experienced the freedom that came in Kenya, I crave it and will search for those moments, those surprises, those God experiences here at home.
 

 

 


Friday, November 1, 2013

Grace

Today I'm taking a 5 minute writing challenge and the word for the challenge is GRACE. 

<start 5 minutes>

Wow, that's a powerful word.  Grace saved me.  It doesn't make sense but God in His infinite grace saved me when I came to believe in Him. 
 
In Kenya, I started the long, really hard work of believing what God tells me.  I mean, I believe that the Bible is TRUE and the WORD OF GOD but do I believe that He intended everything in it for me?  That's a whole can of worms but for today that leads me here . . .

 

Grace towards myself.  I'm the beloved child of God.  I'm worthy of forgiveness and love and understanding.  I try hard to extend that to others but how often do I deny those things to myself?  Let me tell you, it's A LOT. 
 
  • A lot of denying myself love. We women are trained early and often to use hate speech toward ourselves.  I'm too fat.  I'm too short/tall.  My hair is too curly/straight/wiry/fine/WHATEVER. 
 
  • A lot of denying myself forgiveness.  If I lost my temper with my kids and asked God and the kids for forgiveness, they give it to me but I keep beating myself up. 
If I BELIEVE what God says, then I have to believe I'm worthy of GRACE.  Now I just have to start exercising that grace in my own direction. 

<end of 5 minutes>
 
 



Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Home Again

Well, I've been back in North Carolina for about 42 hours now.  I promise I'll be writing more about my experiences soon - just give the jetlag fog some time to clear - but some random current thoughts:

  (1)  After a week of dressing to respect a culture that expects knees to be covered for modesty's sake, it feels positively wanton to wear skirts that hit just above my knees. 

  (2)  I missed you, cheese. 

  (3)  If you return to work the next day after a trip 7 time zones away, take notes on EVERYTHING because your memory won't be worth squat. 

  (4)  Even the prettiest skies in NC will pale in comparison to the skies of Maasai land in Kenya. 

  (5)  Seriously, how do people live without cheese?

  (6)  Oh how I missed my highest high heels! 


  (7)  Nothing beats the hugs you get from your wonderful husband and kids at the airport after 12 days away.  Nothing.  Not even cheese.  ;-)

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Allergic to Change


This week we had a scare that Elaine might have strep. She felt run-down and had a rash all the way around her neck and strep has been going around in our school. For several hours and a visit to the pediatrician later, we find out she just is run-down from a late night the night before and the rash is from her brand new "Daddy's Girl" necklace Jason gave her for her birthday. It seems our girl has an allergy to her new piece of bling.
 
Within a few hours of removing it, she was feeling much better. The itchy, irritated skin was healing quite nicely. But it made me think about how so many of us - myself definitely included - are allergic to change. It makes us itchy and irritated emotionally and just leaves us feeling out of sorts, just like Elaine on Friday. But as adults, it is rarely as easy to backtrack from the changes and go on as if nothing happened. That's because change usually leaves behind those tracks on our mind and emotions that don't dissipate the ways mere physical marks would. And isn't that good? I hate change when it is happening. I mean, seriously y'all - I *HATE* it. But you know what would be worse? 
 
To never change.
 
Cause I know that some of those itchy, irritated reactions to change made me a better person. Let's face it - I think my kids are lovable but if they are the same people at 35 as they are now . . . Well, I bet not many people will want to befriend an adult who is whiny and impulsive and prone to stomping her feet and huffing off when she doesn't get her way, you know?

In four days (FOUR!!!) I leave for Kenya and some definite changes. Oh I'll look the same when I get home and I'll live in the same house and drive the same car to the same job but I'll be different. I'm facing now that it will mean some itchy, irritated feelings, something I don't always handle gracefully. But I'm going into thiswith my eyes open, expecting those feelings, and trying my hardest not to be whiny and impulsive and prone to stomping my feet and huffing off when I don't get my way . . .
 

One logistical note: I won't be blogging in real time from Kenya. Besides the logistical difficulties of getting a solid internet connection, we have decided as a team that safety concerns are best served by not flooding social media, including Facebook, with our daily activities in-country. I will be writing though and plan to share those thoughts and experiences and even my allergy symptoms to change with you when I return. Thanks for taking this journey with me!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Countdown starting . . . NOW!

OK, so I've been radio-silent for several days now so maybe you are wondering what is going on with my trip. 

Let's start with the biggest part: I'm still going.  YAY!  Oh the trip will look a little different now.  No getting to know the urban jungle that is Nairobi.  OK, a little downer but NBD.  It also means no shopping in the Marketplace in Nairobi.  :'-(  Seriously people, if you know me you know I was digging the idea of combining two of my favorite passtimes: shopping and nagging.  I was planning on getting some DEALS.  {sigh}  But really, seeing Nairobi and shopping were going to be fun but that's not why I'm crossing the ocean and flying blu-million miles so I'll deal, 'cause I get to go play with them:
 


OK, so what have I been doing?  Well there was a successful fundraiser that helped cover a nice piece of my trip costs.  WOO HOO!  But during the fundraiser, I managed to injure my printer and slaughter my laptop.  It's dead, people.  I mean, deader than dead.  Oops.  Thanks goodness it was a work computer and IT doesn't ask too many questions . . .

This also happened:
 

Jason is off with a team from our church to serve with the Appalachia Service Project in Wyoming County, West Virginia.  I'm super excited for him.  I've been on three of these trips, starting back in college, and while he has heard all about it, I'm still not sure he has any idea what it is really going to be like.  He left today and gets home Sunday. 
 
In other news, Colby's Fairy Tale Ball is tomorrow at school and Elaine turns 9 on Saturday and my oil needed changing and my car needed to be inspected and oh yeah . . . .
 
I LEAVE IN ONE WEEK. 
 
One week y'all.  ONE WEEK.  Pardon my shouting but what the heck?  Where did September go?  Forget September, where did August go?  Anyway, I've been distracted to no end so this sort of snuck up on me.  Some might think that is a bad thing but I'm seeing it as a gift.  If I think about this too much, that is when the butterflies get going and my mind starts swimming.  I want to plan and make lists and mark things off lists and all those human things we do when we try to control God-sized dreams with our human-sized capabilities.  So I'm embracing the mundane distractions.  Not because they are more important but because I trust God has got this.  God gave me this dream.  Then He told me to WAIT.  Wait a lot, people.  Two years of waiting.  Then He said Jason should go.  And I should still wait.  But now He says go.  He is in control of this.  He doesn't need my butterflies and swimming thoughts - He just needs my obedience.  So I'll live my mundane life for the next 6 days.  But on the 7th, I obey.