Well I'm back. I've been pretty quiet on here as I processed all I saw, all I did, all whom I met. MIND. BLOWN. For the last 20 years or more, my life has revolved around words, whether reading them, writing them or speaking them. But after less than a week in Kenya, I was just out of words. Y'all, me out of words?!?! That never happens. Until Kenya. Kenya did that to me.
So I wrote a lot about my Spinning Plates before I left (here and here). I was really worried about how I would handle stepping away from my "have to"s to just "be" in Kenya. Well let me sum it up for you - it was awesome! Ok, so enough about that. . . . Kidding! Letting go of my watch, my schedule, my to do list created a freedom I had never experienced as an adult.
(1) I was free to be in the moment. I could sit and talk with new friends without worrying about when I needed to be the next place or the next thing I needed to do. That freedom cleared my mind so I could go deeper in those interactions. I heard not just the words but the feelings. I was present to ask the follow up questions and dig deeper in those conversations. How often have I missed those deeper conversations with friends and acquaintances here in the US because I was rushing off to do something else?
Our Wonderful Team!
(2) I was free to enjoy surprises. I'll be honest - here at home, surprises often are just a hassle for me. That's because I tend to leave very little margin to adjust my schedule to accommodate surprises. But in Kenya, I had nothing but time so I could just genuinely enjoy the surprises God put before me. I sat on the ground while 5 little girls put about a million braids in my "slippery" hair. I could listen to their giggles, tease them, just soak in their excitement while we played Muzungo Kinyozi (white person hair salon).
And there was the time spent playing with the kids after church on Sunday. Leading up to 40 kids in round after round of Ring Around the Rosie and The Hokey Pokey allowed the kids' infectious joy to seep into my soul. How often have I missed opportunities for similar play with my own kids because I was too busy, too distracted to stop and enjoy the surprises life offers?
Mid Hokey Pokey!
(3) I was free to encounter God. If asked, I can tell you that God loves me and I love Him but in how I live my daily life at home, I really rely on my own self 99% of the time. MY calendar, MY to do lists, MY capabilities. Where has that left me? I struggle with stress and anxiety and an inability to say no when I really should. As an advisor recently asked me, "how's that working out for you?" Not good, let me tell you! But in Kenya, I didn't have a calendar, let go of to do lists, and didn't feel capable and low and behold, guess who was capable? God was/is! I found time to attend chapel with the nuns at 6 in the morning (me, up early?!? Woah!), where God gave me a verse in the service that lead into a conversation on the back porch before breakfast that gave me a huge breakthrough on my life-long struggle with anxiety. Why did I have to go over 3,000 miles away to have this encounter with God? God didn't need me there to tell me this but He did need me open and willing and available to Him. Apparently to become available to Him, I needed to stop thinking I could handle it all myself. How many other times have I missed opportunities to grow as a person and rely on Him but instead I relied on myself instead?
I've been home right at two weeks now and it's already hard to hold onto these lessons. I'm back to spinning plates, with lots to do at work and at home and for volunteer stuff and on and on, but now that I have experienced the freedom that came in Kenya, I crave it and will search for those moments, those surprises, those God experiences here at home.
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