Friday, January 3, 2014

2014 Planning: ONE WORD

It's all over the blogging world - choosing one word to reflect on, act on for the coming year.  I have seen the concept before and I like it but never gave it much thought beyond that.  Until this year.  Even friends outside the blogisphere are mentioning it and it really started rolling around in my head.  The word I keep coming back to is this:

But as much as I kept coming back to that word, the word "INTENTIONAL" was beating on the door to my feeble mind, begging for attention too.  These words seem really opposite to me, y'all.  The first begs for me to do less, buy less, try less while the second implies that I need to do more, buy more or at least differently, try more.  How the heck do I reconcile those words?!?!?
 
That's where the writing comes in handy.  I went looking for images to go with this post (as a side note, simplify is one of those words that totally looks like a made up word if you look at it too long.  Trust me.)  Per His usual sneaky ways - God lead me to the answer.  To use a definition coined by another blogger, SIMPLIFY is to eliminate those things we don't need or that may take away from the more important things in our lives. (Thanks to Emi at www.theclothdiaperreport.com). 
 
WAIT - maybe simplifying can LEAD to being intentional.  Huh.  What if I simplify my life - saying no or goodbye to unneeded or less important things, activities, habits - and that allows me to be more intentional - saying yes to things, activities, habits which will bless and/or please me, my family and friends, God?  Ummm, when I write it out like that it doesn't sound like a hard concept to grasp but it has alluded me for so long (um, like forever . . . ) so bear with my fumbling baby steps, OK? 
 
I still have to figure out what simplifying will mean for me in 2014 but it feels good, right to get this out there now, where you guys can hold me accountable.  So let's see where this journey takes me . . .
 

Friday, December 6, 2013

Five Minute Friday: REFLECT

Today's Five Minute Friday Writing Prompt is REFLECT. 



*** Start Time ***
 
This is something I'm not so good at.  I'm good at looking forward, pushing forward, moving moving, MOVING forward.  Reflecting on what has already happened though?  Not so much, y'all.  When I look back it's less about reflection and more about criticism.  How did I let myself down.  How did I let someone else down (people pleasing, much?). 
 
But writing has allowed me a better opportunity to reflect.  A better platform to reflect.  I resisted writing a LONG time.  Friends would encourage journaling and I would get indignant - it felt legalistic how SO MANY Christian women swore up and down journaling provided them better insight.  My hubby would encourage me to write and in my head I would scream "QUIT PRESSURING ME."  God would nudge me to write and I would promise eventually.  Later.  When _____ was over.  Knowing in my heart that there would always be something ELSE I could blame for the delay. 
 
So now I write.  Sometimes it results in the silly.  Sometimes it results in the factual.  But sometimes, sometimes it results in the reflective. I'm not saying writing is for everyone.  I'm not saying anything prodund will come from my writing.  But if it offers even a small pause to REFLECT, for now I embrace that. 
 
*** End Time ***

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Do you Suffer from this "Disease" too?


SO MANY people I encounter these days suffer from the same "disease" that is impacting our families, our work performance, our emotional health.  So what is it?  Arguments could be made that the same impact can be felt from depression or anxiety but I'm talking about something more insidious.  Something we actually convince ourselves can be a POSITIVE thing.  So what am I talking about?
 
People Pleasing 
 
It's a constant struggle for me. At home, with family, at work, at church. Everywhere. I've posted a lot about my Spinning Plates.  It is occurring to me lately that many of those plates are present because of this disease of people pleasing.  If I say "no" to a request, will I hurt her feelings?  Will he think I'm not committed enough?  Will my kids think I'm a horrible mom when they think back on this day?  Will the school think I'm an absentee working parent?  All those questions remind me of the poem Elaine recently recited in a school play . . .
 
(c) Shel Silverstein
 
While these "What Ifs" seem pretty silly, those what ifs swirling in my head seem SO RELEVENT y'all.  The list of "What Ifs" goes on and on and on and on . . . .  but the gist of every question is the same - will that person be displeased by the answer I really want to give?  More importantly will that person be displeased by the answer I NEED to give to protect my time, my family, my sanity?
 
It all comes down to PEOPLE PLEASING.  But who should I be aiming to please? Not me. Not other humans. We're fallible. We're broken. I need to please Jesus, only Jesus. What does He ask of me? Just to sit at his feet. Some people get it apparently but most of us don't. What would that feel like, to just sit at the feet of God? He wants to fill me up (see?). He wants good things for me (definitely). Why do I think I have to do, dO, DO and please others to be enough? To be loveable? To be worthy? Is it because I can't fully understand that I truly don't have to earn His forgiveness, His grace? It's ok to not understand fully but I have to trust that it is enough. Am I willing and ready to experience something amazing I can't fully understand?  Will I let my fears, my sense of inadequacy prevent Him from filling me up just because I don't "get it" completely?
 
What am I already missing because of this reluctance? As much as I love writing, I'm already limiting myself. I have slowed down in how often I write and in how often I post on this blog.  I sat on the TKP education post for more than 2 weeks. Why? Because I doubt others want to read it, need to read it. Maybe it's repetitive. Maybe someone else can or has said it better. But if God has called me to write it, even if only for myself, isn't that enough? I don't know why He gave me those words but I don't have to fully understand why He did. I just need to rest in His love and acceptance.  Will you set aside your own people pleasing and join me?

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Education: Here vs. There vs. TKP Difference


If you have checked out the website for The Kilgoris Project, or even if you have just seen our cool new t-shirts, you have seen our tag line of "Education. Health. Opportunity." The education piece seems fairly straight forward, given that TKP operates 6 preschool and primary schools. But getting on the ground in Kilgoris gave me such a deeper appreciation of why TKP's work is truly revolutionizing the delivery of education in this community. I can go on and on and on . . . come on, that's no surprise, right? But for now I'm going to focus on three ways education is SO different in Kilgoris vs. your own community.  Just a few of the things that blew my mind . . .

 

<check out my friend in one of TKP's awesome new tees! Contact me to order one.>

 TRANSPORTATION

Here:  When most American preschoolers and elementary students need to get to school each morning, they have choices. They might take a bus, typically provided for free by public school districts. They might hop in a car, whether driven by a parent, carpooling neighbor or nanny. A few may walk or bike to school (or even take a subway in big cities), if they live very close to the school and a parent or older sibling is available to walk with the child. 
 
 There: Children walk to school in rural Kenya, almost exclusively.  Not because they live close to their school.  In fact, many don't live close. They may walk 2, 3 or even 5 or more kilometers EACH WAY to and from school.  In one of our communities, the nearest non-TKP school is more than 7km away. That 5k you trained almost two months to walk or run? Yeah, they do that TWICE A DAY. Sometimes barefoot. Dude! Oh and parents can't spare the time to walk that far x 4 (round trip in morning and afternoon for drop off and pickup) so the kids walk that far unsupervised.
 
So what if the child is too young to make it that far? Then they sit out of school for that year and every year until they ~can~ make the walk. That means some kids are starting preschool (which is mandatory to keep up in primary school) at age 5 or 6 or later, instead of the recommended age 3. Starting school late greatly increases the chances that a student will drop out, which is just as devastating to prospects in Kenya as in the US.
 
TKP difference: TKP typically builds schools in communities that are unfairly written off or ignored by the government schools. Maybe the community density doesn't warrant building the typical over-crowded gov't school (more on that below). Maybe the community has struggles with tribal or community conflicts. Maybe the area is just off the gov't radar. But every child deserves the opportunity to get educated and succeed. By building schools in these unserved/underserved areas, we reduce the distance these kids have to travel to school.  That means they are physically capable of getting to school so they can start at age 3, putting them on track to finish primary school and hopefully high school on time. It certainly reduces the societal pressure to drop out at least.

 CLASS SIZE

Here: American parents bemoan increasing size sizes, as early elementary grades swell to 25 or 30 kids to one teacher. Most preschools run more like 10-15 kids per teacher. Heavens knows I wouldn't deal with that many kids for what we pay teachers!
 
There: government run schools are over-crowded. So over crowded as to redefine that term. Think I'm exaggerating? Picture one small preschool classroom. Pictures one teacher. Now picture 78 3-4 year olds. SEVENTY EIGHT.  Some desks sitting up to four little bottoms. When we asked this teacher how she copes, all she could say is "you just have to double your efforts in everything." Can you even fathom?!?!  Cause y'all, I don't like sitting in a movie theater with 78 kids, much less trying to teach that many kids their ABCs. Yet these preschool teachers aren't just teaching the ABCs but also teaching early math skills and most importantly a second language (Swahili, as the students come to school speaking one of numerous tribal languages, most of which the teacher doesn't even speak!). 
 
TKP difference:  Against all tradition and expectation in this community, TKP limits class size to approx 35 kids per teacher. Even my less than exceptional math skills tell me that any teacher can accomplish more with a class less than half the typical size. There is more room to work, more teacher time per student, more teacher energy per lesson.

 TEACHING STYLE

Here: our classrooms are bright and aggressively cheerful. Our preschoolers sit at tables, learning beside and from their classmates. Our teachers use all manner of toys and manipulatives to teach everything from basics like ABCs to critical thinking skills, like pattern recognition and classification.  
 
There: kids sit many to a single desk, a desk they are required to build or buy and bring to the school themselves. Lessons are all rote memorization and recitation. Walls are bare or have a few hand-drawn "posters" made out of maize sacks. Manipulatives are unheard of and teachers are stretched too thin to even consider teaching critical thinking. The most critical tool the teachers have is a single chalk board and a box of chalk. 
 
TKP difference: classroom walls are covered in bright educational posters, bought in the US and in bigger cities in Kenya.  Preschoolers sit around perfectly proportioned tables where they can work together. Each room has a closet of supplies, like manipulatives and games, that teachers can use to demonstrate new skills and students can use to practice/master those skills. There are also three chalkboards, one right at little kid height, available to practice those skills.

CONCLUSION

There are amazing teachers all over the world, including in Kenya. But when schools are far away with no transportation but bare feet; when class rooms are bursting at the seams with little bodies; when teachers are hamstringed by inadequate facilities and materials . . . There is only so far a great teacher can take his or her students. TKP brings schools closer to the kids, makes class size reasonable and stocks class rooms with great materials.  Seeing these differences in person just drove home the importance each of these factors serve in changing the face of education in Kenya.

On this Giving Tuesday, 2013, I would be honored if you would consider a year-end donation to The Kilgoris Project. Donations can be made HERE.
 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

What About Those Spinning Plates?

Well I'm back. I've been pretty quiet on here as I processed all I saw, all I did, all whom I met. MIND. BLOWN. For the last 20 years or more, my life has revolved around words, whether reading them, writing them or speaking them. But after less than a week in Kenya, I was just out of words. Y'all, me out of words?!?! That never happens. Until Kenya. Kenya did that to me.
 
So I wrote a lot about my Spinning Plates before I left (here and here). I was really worried about how I would handle stepping away from my "have to"s to just "be" in Kenya. Well let me sum it up for you - it was awesome! Ok, so enough about that. . . .  Kidding! Letting go of my watch, my schedule, my to do list created a freedom I had never experienced as an adult.

(1) I was free to be in the moment. I could sit and talk with new friends without worrying about when I needed to be the next place or the next thing I needed to do. That freedom cleared my mind so I could go deeper in those interactions. I heard not just the words but the feelings. I was present to ask the follow up questions and dig deeper in those conversations. How often have I missed those deeper conversations with friends and acquaintances here in the US because I was rushing off to do something else?
 

Our Wonderful Team!
 
(2) I was free to enjoy surprises. I'll be honest - here at home, surprises often are just a hassle for me. That's because I tend to leave very little margin to adjust my schedule to accommodate surprises. But in Kenya, I had nothing but time so I could just genuinely enjoy the surprises God put before me. I sat on the ground while 5 little girls put about a million braids in my "slippery" hair. I could listen to their giggles, tease them, just soak in their excitement while we played Muzungo Kinyozi (white person hair salon).
 
And there was the time spent playing with the kids after church on Sunday.  Leading up to 40 kids in round after round of Ring Around the Rosie and The Hokey Pokey allowed the kids' infectious joy to seep into my soul.  How often have I missed opportunities for similar play with my own kids because I was too busy, too distracted to stop and enjoy the surprises life offers?
 

Mid Hokey Pokey!
 
 
(3) I was free to encounter God. If asked, I can tell you that God loves me and I love Him but in how I live my daily life at home, I really rely on my own self 99% of the time. MY calendar, MY to do lists, MY capabilities. Where has that left me? I struggle with stress and anxiety and an inability to say no when I really should. As an advisor recently asked me, "how's that working out for you?" Not good, let me tell you! But in Kenya, I didn't have a calendar, let go of to do lists, and didn't feel capable and low and behold, guess who was capable? God was/is! I found time to attend chapel with the nuns at 6 in the morning (me, up early?!? Woah!), where God gave me a verse in the service that lead into a conversation on the back porch before breakfast that gave me a huge breakthrough on my life-long struggle with anxiety. Why did I have to go over 3,000 miles away to have this encounter with God? God didn't need me there to tell me this but He did need me open and willing and available to Him. Apparently to become available to Him, I needed to stop thinking I could handle it all myself. How many other times have I missed opportunities to grow as a person and rely on Him but instead I relied on myself instead?
 
I've been home right at two weeks now and it's already hard to hold onto these lessons. I'm back to spinning plates, with lots to do at work and at home and for volunteer stuff and on and on, but now that I have experienced the freedom that came in Kenya, I crave it and will search for those moments, those surprises, those God experiences here at home.
 

 

 


Friday, November 1, 2013

Grace

Today I'm taking a 5 minute writing challenge and the word for the challenge is GRACE. 

<start 5 minutes>

Wow, that's a powerful word.  Grace saved me.  It doesn't make sense but God in His infinite grace saved me when I came to believe in Him. 
 
In Kenya, I started the long, really hard work of believing what God tells me.  I mean, I believe that the Bible is TRUE and the WORD OF GOD but do I believe that He intended everything in it for me?  That's a whole can of worms but for today that leads me here . . .

 

Grace towards myself.  I'm the beloved child of God.  I'm worthy of forgiveness and love and understanding.  I try hard to extend that to others but how often do I deny those things to myself?  Let me tell you, it's A LOT. 
 
  • A lot of denying myself love. We women are trained early and often to use hate speech toward ourselves.  I'm too fat.  I'm too short/tall.  My hair is too curly/straight/wiry/fine/WHATEVER. 
 
  • A lot of denying myself forgiveness.  If I lost my temper with my kids and asked God and the kids for forgiveness, they give it to me but I keep beating myself up. 
If I BELIEVE what God says, then I have to believe I'm worthy of GRACE.  Now I just have to start exercising that grace in my own direction. 

<end of 5 minutes>
 
 



Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Home Again

Well, I've been back in North Carolina for about 42 hours now.  I promise I'll be writing more about my experiences soon - just give the jetlag fog some time to clear - but some random current thoughts:

  (1)  After a week of dressing to respect a culture that expects knees to be covered for modesty's sake, it feels positively wanton to wear skirts that hit just above my knees. 

  (2)  I missed you, cheese. 

  (3)  If you return to work the next day after a trip 7 time zones away, take notes on EVERYTHING because your memory won't be worth squat. 

  (4)  Even the prettiest skies in NC will pale in comparison to the skies of Maasai land in Kenya. 

  (5)  Seriously, how do people live without cheese?

  (6)  Oh how I missed my highest high heels! 


  (7)  Nothing beats the hugs you get from your wonderful husband and kids at the airport after 12 days away.  Nothing.  Not even cheese.  ;-)